Insides.

         It has been a long while since I have been able to wear my heart on my sleeve. I say this, of course, with complete honesty. Most relationships begin with each party somewhat altering themselves in hopes that the other is lured in. I have been guilty of this myself. But as time passed, and the 'flaws' became apparent, various things occurred. They left. I left. Things fell apart. We discovered that what we felt was not real at all. But those are lessons I have learned, and here I am.
      I have somewhat fell into this person's life, and they into mine. I cannot accurately explain the feelings that flowed through me with our initial conversations. I felt at peace, comfortable in a way I havent for years. I was drawn to someone, and that has never happened. Pretty words could never explain that feeling. But in all of this I set out to be myself. Not the censored or altered Amanda that many men have met at first. I felt as though I owed it to him, seeing as how wonderful and honest he was with me from the start.
        I guess the point of this particular post is to express happiness. I am that, and I havent been in a long while. I want to better myself for the other person, who already thinks I am better than I knew. I want to help them in anyway that I can, and not expect anything in return. A few years ago, I would never have made myself this open. In fear that when (not if) things fell apart my actions and my secrets would be held against me. I do not want to live everyday in fear of the end, which is not something I have considered. I may be getting ahead of myself. I may be many things, but who is to say? What would you call that? This feeling? This relationship? Does that word even apply at this point? In due time, I suppose. 
I adore you, and all that you are.